more power than you know

use it for good today

In this episode of Pantsuit Politics, Beth talked about how in a previous episode she had said something off the cuff about how “it’s not hard to love someone who has transitioned” as she was talking about transgender issues. A listener responded that they were listening to that episode right after their child had told them that they were non-binary, and it made such a difference to that listener.

So then Beth said: "If we could all understand how that kind of magic is at the tip of our fingers ALL THE TIME…because you don’t have to host a podcast to just say something that strikes someone as the kindness that they need in that particular moment.” And I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

I’ve been teaching yin yoga for the last year, mostly in person. But where I used to have a full class of 20ish regulars, I now typically have a class of three or four students with a handful online. I’m thankful for the smaller class sizes because I wouldn’t have wanted to teach more than a handful of students in our small space anyway, but it is hard not to compare to before times. It’s hard to prep to teach for an hour and only two students show up and leave without saying much of anything. As much as I do the work to disconnect my teaching from any kind of results or feedback, I’m still human. But then two weeks ago, a woman visiting from overseas stayed after class and raved about my teaching style. It changed my whole day and, honestly, it boosted my energy reserves for teaching in the weeks since.

A few weeks ago, a coach I follow on Instagram had a free Zoom webinar of sorts. I didn’t get to watch it live, but I watched the recording. It was really good. Her enthusiasm for other’s growth was palpable and contagious, even through a recorded Zoom thing. I messaged her via Instagram telling her so. I don’t know her other than social media, and she certainly doesn’t know me. She responded a bit emotionally, saying that she had not heard anything from anyone who participated (and there were quite a few people on the live call, let alone people like me who watched the recording) and that she really appreciated me letting her know that I valued her offering. It took me thirty seconds to type out a short sentence or two expressing my gratitude, but based on her message, it meant a lot to her.

Then, because sometimes we learn as much from what not to do as we do from advice on what to do, I’ve been thinking about how Grant has coached mostly the same group of boys for travel basketball for the past three seasons. It’s been six+ months of twice weekly two-hour practices that Grant planned down to the minute and then four months of two games every Saturday. It was a big volunteer commitment is what I’m saying. This was his last year because the boys will be trying out for their school teams next year. At the end of the season, the other coach’s wife bought a gift card and had the boys sign a card for Grant. But no one else did anything, and no one did anything for the assistant coaches who had put in nearly as much time and energy as Grant did over the past few years. It wouldn’t have had to be anything other than an authentic and specific thank you to make a huge difference to Grant. In the last few weeks, Jasper started a new basketball team/program that he is testing out - and he whispered to me after his game last week, “I miss [the old team], Mom. None of us knew how good we had it and what a smart coach Dad is.” This got me thinking about how often we don’t realize how good we have it until it’s gone - but that it’s still worthwhile reaching out to someone and letting them know what a gift they were to us long afterwards.

All of these instances reminded that what Beth said in that episode is true: we all have this magic that we’re capable of probably every hour of our days if we’re only on the lookout for it. A text to a friend letting them know what we appreciate about them. A post on social media standing in solidarity with a justice issue we care about that lets a friend in that community know we care. An email to a business or boss about that great customer service you received from one of their employees. An email to an old friend letting them know that you were wrong in how you judged them and wanted them to know. A phone call to your Grandma to ask her how she is really doing. Asking about the cashier’s day instead of scrolling my phone. A note on your partner’s side of the bed thanking them for making the best breakfasts and always doing the vacuuming. Letting your kiddos stay up late just because you want to hang out with them a little longer - and telling them so.

I’ve been mad and sad and languishing lately. I haven’t honestly experienced this level of anger, grief, and disillusionment before, so I’m trying to be excessively gentle with myself. But I still have been getting a little sick of my own shit, to be honest. And while it would be very enlightened of me to just not care as much about people’s feedback or lack thereof, the fact is, that I’m a human being with feelings - and these small kindnesses do make a difference.

So I’ve been trying to look for ways throughout my day to be a magic maker, and it’s helped. I wrote about this not too long ago, but there’s something about thinking of ourselves as “magic makers” that makes it all feel more exciting to me. The best part of my little experiment is how little it requires on my end. I think we’re all so beleaguered by the last year+ that even the tiniest kindness really goes a long way. I’m also trying to recognize how those around me are bringing magic my way. Of course, when I’m out there looking for it, I see more of it.

Rants and raves

👍 The Midnight Library. I liked this. My friend Laura said she didn’t get the hype because it was bit too on the nose for her, but we realized that I sometimes like predictability (hence my Regency romance novel addiction) and she does not (hence she reads mystery and suspense, and I try to avoid those genres at all costs). This is weird because in actual life I prefer spontaneity, and she prefers to know what’s coming. Funny how reading can lead to existential conversations about your personality!

👍 We had our first vaccinated dinner double date, and it was SO FUN. Related: I still don’t want to go back to hosting those every weekend like we used to.

👍 We decided to re-watch Parenthood. We watched it originally as it aired, so we were baby parents when it ended. I have so many deep thoughts on watching it again! Typically, I hate re-watching things (it’s one of Grant’s least favorite things about me), but this experience has me rethinking things.

👎 The situation in India is heartbreaking. I vetted and gave to this organization because I like to support orgs on the ground doing food stuff. Here are some other vetted ideas.

👎 I ranted on Instagram this week about how I’m seeing so many leaders saying how “they can’t wait to get back in person.” It feels to me like they’re assuming everyone feels the same because of the way they talk about this in Zoom meetings and in company-wide communications.

I wish that leaders would 1) stop assuming that what they want or how they work best is what everyone wants or is best for everyone and 2) see Covid as the opportunity that it is - to reimagine everything about work and stop making the same assumptions about work that we’ve been making for at least the past 50 years.

Stuff worth sharing this week

• I finally got around to a double dose of what I’m learning and loving up on the blog.

• I went down an Ezra Klein Show rabbit hole this week. I feel like I listen to him in waves, but I hit some really good ones in this batch:

  • This one with Tressie McMillan Cotton was the best of the bunch. It blew my mind on so many different topics that I immediately listened to it again once it was over + put all of her books on the hold at the library.

  • This one with Alison Gopnik, a child psychologist whose work I’ve been a fan of for a long time. It is worth listening to if you’re a parent solely for her telling you that, if you’re providing even a relatively stable home for your children, you’re doing a fantastic job.

  • I wish someone would make every CEO listen to this episode with Cal Newport. So many ahas and invitations to imagine something new, especially right now.

  • This episode, especially coupled with the Tressie McMillan Cotton episode above, made me think a lot about shame, cancel culture, and the importance of humanizing everyone.

• I linked to it above, but if you somehow missed Adam Grant’s piece on languishing, you definitely need to read it.

• Mother’s Day is around the corner. I get it if you have icky feelings about it, and I think it’s important we all celebrate the ways we mother others and that we’re mothered, even if it’s sticky. If you need some ideas, I bought this, this, this, and this for mothers and grandmothers this year. [Mom if you’re reading, don’t click on any of those links!]

Seasonal view of the week

The pink full moon was gorgeous this week - pictures never do it justice, but I snapped this one anyhoo. It came out looking like the sun instead of the moon with my iphone settings, even though it was pitch black outside:

Cheers to being a magic maker in the week ahead!

Sara