santosha for what ails us
how looking for the both/and is saving my life
Years ago, I learned the word “santosha” from a Jess Lively podcast. Jess explained santosha as the idea of “both/and” instead of “either/or” thinking. I’ve since studied the yoga sutras, the holy texts of yoga. Santosha is the second of the Niyamas, which are sort of like the personal code of ethics of yoga. Santosha is typically translated as contentment or complete surrender. I think of it that this non-dual way of thinking is the path to contentment. We have to be able to hold two seemingly disparate things at the same time or else we will never find contentment, let alone joy.
Since then, this idea has become a mantra of sorts in our house. The kids even roll their eyes as they repeat begrudgingly, “I know, Mom, two things can be true at the same time.” Never has this been more true than 2020. In my privileged bubble, parts of early quarantine were restful and memorable, while others were exhausting and stressful. Even acknowledging the various layers of my privilege is in itself a practice of santosha: that I have it so much better than most, and that living through a global pandemic is hard.
I have to continually remind myself that I am a multitude of things, and if that is true of me, it is certainly true of everyone else. That acknowledgement builds my empathy muscles, however, in the same way that I don’t want to let myself off the hook for my own growth and evolution, I think it is important that we recognize where the people in our lives or people we look up to fall short. When we reflect honestly on ourselves and others, we open the door for both compassion and accountability.
I don’t know about you, but I have been increasingly angry since Ahmaud Arbery. Remember him? His murder seems like a a decade ago at this point. I feel like we are living in two different Americas, and I feel helpless and hopeless about what there is to do about it. But I do think that this idea of santosha - that two things (or nineteen) can be true at the same time is a part of the answer to what ails us - both individually and collectively.
Some examples:
You can be heartbroken about the racial reckoning needed in our country, and you can be uncertain about your part to play in it.
You can be a lifelong Republican and be appalled at President Trump’s behavior. You can vote for a Democrat in this election and still be a Republican if you want to be.
You can be a Democrat and disagree with many parts of the party platform. “Voting isn’t marriage. It’s public transport. You’re not waiting for ‘the one’ who is absolutely perfect: you’re getting the bus, and if there isn’t one to your destination, you don’t not travel. You take the one going closest.” (Debbie Moon)
You can acknowledge two things at the same time: navigating a global pandemic is immensely complicated and our federal government completely dropped the ball in terms of leadership and coordination.
Your turn to write down a few of your own: try it for yourself. Words matter, and simply exchanging the word “and” in place of “but” when you’re talking about the circumstances of your inner or outer world can make a world of difference.
Here’s what I think was worth sharing this week:
This was a very niche conversation pre-pandemic (which was kinda weird to be honest - I would love for them to have a follow-up to this convo), but I think it is SO applicable to our current state of things. Also, if you’re a dork like me, and actually listen to the entire episode, can we please be friends?
I bought this thing for the kids. They’ve been wanting to help more in the kitchen lately, but if I let them chop stuff themselves, I have to watch them intently - and who has time for that?! So I bought this chopper for them, but instead, I have become totally obsessed and am now making pico de gallo three times a day because it is so easy (“and so satisfying,” as the kids keep saying).
The kids love audiobooks. We mostly check them out from the library, but they both have a few favorites that we bought because they’re content to listen to them over and over again. I find it strangely relaxing and bonding to listen to them together. Lately, my fuse has been shorter than usual with just about everyone, including myself. So I am realizing that I need some easy wins to build connection, especially with the people I live with. Audiobooks in the car is an enjoyable win. Some recent favorites: Clayton Byrd Goes Underground and The Birchbark House.
Grant and I first heard Sandra Van Opstal preach at Evolving Faith back in 2018. She was one of the most fiery and convicting preachers I’ve ever heard, and she keeps it up in this episode. Don’t miss this conversation - and don’t let the episode title scare you off.
Reply back with your things worth sharing this week - and what’s saving your life right now.