I really enjoy reading your work! This one hits close to many topics and social concerns that I care about. So...here's a couple of thoughts of agreement, response and questions. 1. The "Self-Care" problem...I agree...there is some rhetoric that is popular right now that says if we have good self care and good boundaries, life won't be painful. I run into mental health providers who are buying into this too. There are (I think) a few writers speaking up for ideas about resiliency - essentially, that we do more service to our youth by preparing them for life to be difficult vs teaching them that keeping the difficulty out of your life will keep life happy. 2. Is there anything out there about too many communities? What you described is a modern problem of having a lot of commitments and then low capacity to participate deeply? Maybe? This is a fascinating topic that I am still pondering...why does deep connection seem to be a challenge across the board socially these days? I feel like there is a whole book to write on this. 3. While de-stigmatizing mental health is great, I think we still believe that we can de-stigmatize shame and erase the need for difficult emotions in life. And while in some ways, maybe this is possible, in other ways, "there is no cure for being human." In my professional experience, some of the people reporting as mentally unhealthy find significant relief based on some general work with and acceptance of difficult emotions. This is a COMPLEX topic obviously. But I suspect part of the mental health crisis is around need for greater acceptance of the shadow sides of life. Again...there is so much nuance to this...so...can't really be covered fully right now. But I'm not sure we can truly de-stigmatize mental health issues until we embrace that we all have stuff...everyone has their shadow side stuff, everyone has the potential for addiction, and only some it results in clinical levels of symptoms that require high level intervention. Lingering near this topic is also our poor understanding of how to cope with and talk about suicidal ideation... 4. I am harsh on my own profession, and this statement is problematic in some ways, but there really are some therapists and therapy approaches that are better than others. I don't think the mental health system is doing all that it could be doing. There are honestly some poorly trained therapists out there. I will be the first to acknowledge that I don't do my job as well as I would like. However, I know the difference between when it is going well and when it is not. At the end of the day, everyone is doing their best, and the poor training is also due to systemic issues, etc etc. I just hate it that therapy gets a bad rap because therapists are just chatting with their clients and not doing some of the powerful healing interventions that can be done to optimize wellness. I agree wholeheartedly that we need to take systemic approaches, and that a wide range of things - gut health, overall physical health, general nutrition concerns, spine health, access to community, creation of meaning and purpose, connection to nature etc are vital aspects that can get missed in individual therapy. Just like any other profession, there are levels of quality to the individual therapy being done. There are powerful individual interventions that can be done in therapy to allow significant healing - I am just not sure how many therapists are truly implementing these. High quality therapy...and insurance companies who are willing to pay for good therapy...are also part of the solution. 5. I am sure there are lots of solutions! I long for people to have deep healing and wellness and I love when people are working on these problems! Thanks for writing and sharing....obviously sparking a lot in me, and I am sure others.
Amy, thanks for reading and for such a thoughtful reply! I'm going to try to reply to all of your great points in sections:
1. Such a good point that self-care is being expected to carry too much - it isn't going to solve all of our problems because so many of our problems are systems problems, but also because life is hard and all the self-care in the world isn't going to eliminate the hard parts. I think this is a really great point when it comes to kids. How much of our mental health crisis that we read about everywhere is because we've created this expectation that everything should come easy? Hmm...
2. Ohh I love this point too. I even played into in my examples above about all of the "communities" that I belong to. Maybe it used to be that we had capacity for one or maybe two communities, so we weren't spread so thin, but now we participate in too many communities, spread ourselves too thin, and then complain when none of the communities are giving us the community we need. This is a great point and, like you said, one definitely worth thinking about further.
3. More great points here. What we resist, persists. It would make sense that until we face our individual (and communal and societal) shadows, they will keep returning to bite us in the ass. The antidote isn't in somehow banishing our shadows entirely, but in getting curious with them. I've noticed that, when I'm capable of bringing curiosity to my shadow sides and the stuff I don't like about myself, compassion is more accessible. But I tend toward shame and judgement - which then, for me, leads to stuffing it down deep and pretending like it didn't happen. This seems to me like what we've down as a country with the sins of our past - we've never truly addressed them, so they keep coming back until we're willing to actually face them and repent to use an old religious word that makes me squirmy.
4. Agree completely on all that you said here, and you obviously have much more authority to be saying it than me. I do want to clarify that I LOVE THERAPY. I've had some rough experiences with some therapists, but, like I tell friends when they ask me about therapy, if I had a bad experience with one dentist, it's not like I would just never go back to the dentist again. I'd find a new dentist. I credit so much of my growth and evolution to therapy and some specific modalities that really worked for my personality. I just think, like you said, that mental wellness needs to be a bigger picture than just individualized therapy. And of course, we need more parity so that mental wellness is paid for in the same way physical health is paid for. Side note: I think you'd like Kimberley Wilson (https://www.kimberleywilson.co/about). I first heard her on this On Being episode (https://onbeing.org/programs/kimberley-wilson-whole-body-mental-health/), but then went down the rabbit hole of what she calls "whole body mental health," which I think is what you're talking about here.
5. Love this conversation too and excited to keep thinking and brainstorming together!
I really enjoy reading your work! This one hits close to many topics and social concerns that I care about. So...here's a couple of thoughts of agreement, response and questions. 1. The "Self-Care" problem...I agree...there is some rhetoric that is popular right now that says if we have good self care and good boundaries, life won't be painful. I run into mental health providers who are buying into this too. There are (I think) a few writers speaking up for ideas about resiliency - essentially, that we do more service to our youth by preparing them for life to be difficult vs teaching them that keeping the difficulty out of your life will keep life happy. 2. Is there anything out there about too many communities? What you described is a modern problem of having a lot of commitments and then low capacity to participate deeply? Maybe? This is a fascinating topic that I am still pondering...why does deep connection seem to be a challenge across the board socially these days? I feel like there is a whole book to write on this. 3. While de-stigmatizing mental health is great, I think we still believe that we can de-stigmatize shame and erase the need for difficult emotions in life. And while in some ways, maybe this is possible, in other ways, "there is no cure for being human." In my professional experience, some of the people reporting as mentally unhealthy find significant relief based on some general work with and acceptance of difficult emotions. This is a COMPLEX topic obviously. But I suspect part of the mental health crisis is around need for greater acceptance of the shadow sides of life. Again...there is so much nuance to this...so...can't really be covered fully right now. But I'm not sure we can truly de-stigmatize mental health issues until we embrace that we all have stuff...everyone has their shadow side stuff, everyone has the potential for addiction, and only some it results in clinical levels of symptoms that require high level intervention. Lingering near this topic is also our poor understanding of how to cope with and talk about suicidal ideation... 4. I am harsh on my own profession, and this statement is problematic in some ways, but there really are some therapists and therapy approaches that are better than others. I don't think the mental health system is doing all that it could be doing. There are honestly some poorly trained therapists out there. I will be the first to acknowledge that I don't do my job as well as I would like. However, I know the difference between when it is going well and when it is not. At the end of the day, everyone is doing their best, and the poor training is also due to systemic issues, etc etc. I just hate it that therapy gets a bad rap because therapists are just chatting with their clients and not doing some of the powerful healing interventions that can be done to optimize wellness. I agree wholeheartedly that we need to take systemic approaches, and that a wide range of things - gut health, overall physical health, general nutrition concerns, spine health, access to community, creation of meaning and purpose, connection to nature etc are vital aspects that can get missed in individual therapy. Just like any other profession, there are levels of quality to the individual therapy being done. There are powerful individual interventions that can be done in therapy to allow significant healing - I am just not sure how many therapists are truly implementing these. High quality therapy...and insurance companies who are willing to pay for good therapy...are also part of the solution. 5. I am sure there are lots of solutions! I long for people to have deep healing and wellness and I love when people are working on these problems! Thanks for writing and sharing....obviously sparking a lot in me, and I am sure others.
Amy, thanks for reading and for such a thoughtful reply! I'm going to try to reply to all of your great points in sections:
1. Such a good point that self-care is being expected to carry too much - it isn't going to solve all of our problems because so many of our problems are systems problems, but also because life is hard and all the self-care in the world isn't going to eliminate the hard parts. I think this is a really great point when it comes to kids. How much of our mental health crisis that we read about everywhere is because we've created this expectation that everything should come easy? Hmm...
2. Ohh I love this point too. I even played into in my examples above about all of the "communities" that I belong to. Maybe it used to be that we had capacity for one or maybe two communities, so we weren't spread so thin, but now we participate in too many communities, spread ourselves too thin, and then complain when none of the communities are giving us the community we need. This is a great point and, like you said, one definitely worth thinking about further.
3. More great points here. What we resist, persists. It would make sense that until we face our individual (and communal and societal) shadows, they will keep returning to bite us in the ass. The antidote isn't in somehow banishing our shadows entirely, but in getting curious with them. I've noticed that, when I'm capable of bringing curiosity to my shadow sides and the stuff I don't like about myself, compassion is more accessible. But I tend toward shame and judgement - which then, for me, leads to stuffing it down deep and pretending like it didn't happen. This seems to me like what we've down as a country with the sins of our past - we've never truly addressed them, so they keep coming back until we're willing to actually face them and repent to use an old religious word that makes me squirmy.
4. Agree completely on all that you said here, and you obviously have much more authority to be saying it than me. I do want to clarify that I LOVE THERAPY. I've had some rough experiences with some therapists, but, like I tell friends when they ask me about therapy, if I had a bad experience with one dentist, it's not like I would just never go back to the dentist again. I'd find a new dentist. I credit so much of my growth and evolution to therapy and some specific modalities that really worked for my personality. I just think, like you said, that mental wellness needs to be a bigger picture than just individualized therapy. And of course, we need more parity so that mental wellness is paid for in the same way physical health is paid for. Side note: I think you'd like Kimberley Wilson (https://www.kimberleywilson.co/about). I first heard her on this On Being episode (https://onbeing.org/programs/kimberley-wilson-whole-body-mental-health/), but then went down the rabbit hole of what she calls "whole body mental health," which I think is what you're talking about here.
5. Love this conversation too and excited to keep thinking and brainstorming together!