for now and not yet

life saving phrases

I finished Seth Godin’s The Practice (highly recommend) a few weeks ago, and I also re-listened to this recap from Beth at Pantsuit Politics about her lessons from Anne Helen Petersen’s Can’t Even (even more highly recommend). They both used phrases that I realized have been particularly helpful to me (and honestly, the kids) lately:

For now

Not yet

I’ve heard the “not yet” bit before, mostly in conversations or this book about a growth versus a fixed mindset. Basically, a growth mindset accepts that we’re always growing and evolving and that failure is a part of the process. Conversely, someone with a fixed mindset thinks that their qualities and skills are set in stone and that failure is a signal that they aren’t cut out for whatever challenge they’re facing.

So, for example, in the parenting world where this often comes up, your child comes home from school struggling with a new math concept, and they say “I’m terrible at fractions.” A parent with a fixed mindset might say, “it’s ok, maybe math just isn’t your subject.” A parent with a growth mindset might say, “of course you’re not good at fractions yet! You just started learning them. Remember when you were just learning multiplication and now you can do your multiplication facts in your sleep? I bet, if you keep working at it, the same will be true of fractions.” You can see which mindset we want to pass down to our kids.

In this short Instagram live, Beth talks about her aha moments around self-care from Can’t Even (which are worth exploring on their own in another week’s newsletter), and as she is talking about her sifting season, she uses this language of making decisions “for now” and looking at the “medium picture” instead of the long-term picture.

I’ve been finding myself using these phrases on myself lately. We’re in this weird in-between phase (hopefully🤞) of the pandemic where it feels like the worst is behind us, but there is still a ways to go and the blowback from all of this is still coming. It’s hard not to want to make elaborate plans or resolve to do things differently.

Traditionally, the spring equinox has been my new year, a time of fresh starts, rebirth, and new energy. I’m typically antsy to get back in the garden and tackle the long Funky Farms to do list. But this year, I find myself just wanting to take a nap at the thought of it all, to be honest. I find myself a little anxious about what the “new normal” might look like once somewhere close to 300 million of us get vaccinated. I have a long list of things I don’t want to rush back to.

So instead of beating myself up about how privileged I am to have the worries that I have or just ignoring them altogether, I’ve been using these phrases on myself, as a way of reminding myself that what might be true for me right now, likely won’t be true for me forever. I don’t have to have it all figured out. A gift of living seasonally is the recognition that life itself has seasons, some stretching for a few months or years at a time. There was the season just out of college when I still pretended like I was in college, but had to wake up for work. There was the season of early marriage that, for me, was really fun and free. There was the season of little children, which seems like mostly exhaustion with sparks of joy.

Now there is pandemic season. It won’t be over when I get my second vaccine dose. In fact, much of our work will just have started. But, in the meantime, I can add these phrases to my self-talk, helping me to recognize this season for what it is - just a season, not forever…

I’m tired for now. I’m not yet motivated or excited about all of the spring work around our property and garden that usually makes me happy. I can’t find my rhythm for now. I’m not hitting my goals for my book yet. I don’t have to do things the way I usually do them for now. I’m not yet ready for a new normal - and that is perfectly normal. Good enough is good enough for now.

I think I’ll be adding these phrases to my adulting scripts repertoire long after pandemic season is over. What are some words or phrases saving your life right now? Leave them below, so the rest of us can steal them!

Rants and raves

👍 I’m listening to Adam Grant’s Think Again on my walks this week - and wowzers, I think it should be required reading in our high schools. It’s narrated by him and the listening experience is especially good.

👍 I think I’ve shared about BlueRidge Hemp’s teas before (they are also our go-to for CBD tinctures and flower), but I’ve recently been on a serious tea kick and went through a whole tin of this in like two weeks. Oops.

👍 Already stole this for my work email signature, but also I do still use the send later function often to avoid sending emails during non-work hours even if I’m working during weird hours:

Anne Helen Petersen @annehelen

A great, thoughtful, email signature on the message I just read while excavating my cave of an inbox: My working day may not be your working day. Please don’t feel obliged to reply to this e-mail outside of your normal working hours.

👎 Maeve’s whole class got quarantined for another two weeks. She said, “I hate Covid!” I told her pretty much everyone on the planet agrees with her.

Stuff worth sharing this week

• I wholeheartedly agree #makepoliticsboringagain:

  Tim Urban @waitbutwhy

  I asked my 95yo grandmother what she and her friends thought about politics when she was young. She said "we thought politics was boring." Most people today are equally bored by ACTUAL politics—they're fascinated by the soap opera and the culture war. #makepoliticsboringagain

  

  Conor Friedersdorf @conor64

  The best part of the Biden Administration so far is having a president with Biden level rather than Trump or Obama level charisma. Fewer people go starry-eyed and suspend their critical thinking. We should deliberately seek out more uncharismatic politicians in the future.

• We’re coming back to pandemic March again, which means we’ve all been hungry for more comfort food. I made this last weekend with a whole chicken that my Bent Arrow friends were kind enough to cut up for me, and Jasper said he wants it to be his birthday dinner until he dies. So there’s that.

• I sent this directly to my manager and our head of HR. It was all good, but this was my favorite:

  The point of flexibility isn’t so that you can free up more time so that you can take on a side hustle or sign your kid up for her fifth sports league or just fill it with more work. The point is that you will have more time to 1) figure out who you when work is not longer the axis of your life and 2) to actually use that time to care about and for other people.

Seasonal view of the week

The clouds have been extra magic this week with the weather being all wonky, wintry one day and spring-like the next. March in Indiana, basically.

Cheers to for now and not yet!

Sara

P.S. I’d love it if you passed this along to a friend or three who you think might like it too!