things that didn't work for me
in 2022
I wrote a very random and incomplete list of things that worked for me in 2022 over on the blog, but here’s my (perhaps?) juicier list of what didn’t work for me in 2022:
Trying to control too much.
I skipped publishing this list last year, but I’m a wee bit embarrassed to find this at the top of the 2020 list too. I’m an oldest daughter and former good girl who will likely be dealing with my control issues until I die. However, 2022 was a wake up call for the many ways that I still have to surrender and let go - both for my own good and for the good of those I love.
Too porous boundaries and trying to convince others about my need for firmer ones.
One of the lessons of 2022 was to not give myself (my energy, my compassion, my time) away so freely. That sounds so self-centered to write, but it was truly one of the biggest takeaways from an especially difficult first half of the year. Annoyingly, I realized this need for firmer boundaries, but then found myself rationalizing and defending myself to others about why I had set the boundary. I need to trust myself enough to set the boundary and then allow others to have their own opinions without me wasting time and energy trying to convince them of why I needed the boundary in the first place.
Ditching lists.
I have always been a prodigious list maker, but somewhere in 2022, I lost the habit. Grant and I were the primary caregivers for his aunt who died in July 2022, and there was a ton of associated drama that came along with those unexpected roles. I think I was just treading water for much of the year and because my days were so unpredictable, I lost lists. I noticed this toward the end of the year and getting back in the habit has given me more focus and direction again.
Nebulous reading goal.
I have a love-hate relationship with Goodreads. I love having a goal to work toward, but just counting the sheer number of books I read isn’t really how I want my reading life to work. Part of the thing I loved about the Seminary of the Wild certificate was the direction the reading list provided. I’m looking to do more intentional reading in 2023 even if that likely means reading less books overall. But I also like how a big reading list gets me reading more books just for fun (because I read the lighter books so much faster), so I want to figure out a better balance moving forward. Your tips welcome please!
Not writing.
I wrote less in 2022 because of sheer exhaustion and because my brain just felt less capable of stringing words together, to be honest. I don’t necessarily want to publish more words out on the interwebs in 2023, but I write to figure out what I think about the world and myself. I need to make time for more of that again even if it’s just for me.
Too much scrolling.
Another repeat from 2020, although I’m doing far better than 2020 (which isn’t saying much - ha!). I used to always carry a book around with me. Friends and family made fun of me as a kid about it. Now I don’t because I tell myself that I have the Kindle app on my phone, but that also leaves me vulnerable to scrolling, which obviously isn’t available with a physical book. So I’m going to embrace my inner little Sara and start carrying a book around everywhere with me again and see if that helps.
Not enough structure.
Because of our caretaking responsibilities, things would pop up multiple times everyday, making it difficult to stay in any kind of routine. I like to think I’m spontaneous and fun, but I just do much better mentally when I know what to expect for the day. Once the fall rolled around, I adopted more of a block schedule for my weeks, and my mental health was much better for it.
Falling into the “when this [fill-in-the-blank-thing] is done” trap.
I’m sure we all do this - we tell ourselves some version of “when this thing is done, I’ll get my life in order.” But I learned awhile ago that there is no there, there. I know this in my bones, but I found myself continually stuck in the pattern of doing this last year - thinking that things would be better after such-and-such was over, which while perhaps a decent coping strategy during the real hard stuff of last year, it also kept me from the present moment, the only time we truly we have. My antidotes to this pattern is: more walks outside without my phone, more journaling to brain dump, and more grounding.
Trying to ride it out.
I notice myself with less of a fuse as I get older. It requires more mindfulness - and preparation - for me to show up in the world in the way that I want to and that is in alignment with my values. Most importantly, I have to be very strict about my sleep, but I also notice if I have sugar or caffeine too late in the day that I can get very cranky quickly. I can’t eat quite as freely as I used to without consequences. If I don’t get outside for awhile every day, it isn’t good for anyone who lives with me. In the past, I’ve just tried to ride out these short-fuse moments (or days), but that is no longer working for me. It’s better to just stop what I’m doing if at all possible and get outside, or take a nap, or sit in my closet with the door closed and do legs up the wall. I think I’m too old to ride it out anymore.
No more lifehacking.
Those books about artists’ schedules or blogs about people’s routines are my catnip. I loved lifehacks before that term was even invented, and I’ve tried most of them at one point or another. But I’ve been realizing lately how this idea that we can hack our lives into some semblance of perfection is just another way we “should” ourselves to death, another form of disembodiment, another way we delude ourselves that we’re in control, another way our culture’s obsessive fear of dying manifests itself.
I think rhythms and rituals are essential not because they’ll help us hack our way to maximum life expectancy or productivity, but because they are the better way to be present to the beauty and joy available to us, right here, right now. Life-hacking makes me feel like I’m never doing enough and keeps me, frankly, self-absorbed. Ritual keeps me present, connects me with nature’s rhythms and my ancestors, and feels intuitive and spacious instead of forced and confining. This one brought to you by my sourdough ritual.
Your turn. What worked - or didn’t - work for you in 2022?
I think of myself as a slow reader. I also seem to tackle really long hard books (often in translation) and then wonder why it took me 6 months to read one book. Instead of tracking number of books, I keep track of number of pages, so when I read a book that is 800 pages or more it seems more balanced. It might be something for you to try.
You’re so good to remember all the things! This is why I need to write more because 2022 is a blur. But yes feeling the caretaker fatigue myself! Things that worked - walks with my dog. Things that didn’t - not sleeping enough!