what worked for me in '23

looking back

Pretty sure long walks would be on Wendell’s “best of 2023” list too!

I try to take off the week between Christmas and the New Year, and I lean into the time off - sleeping in, long walks, movie dates, eating out, no shoulds. In my own personal wheel of the year, I think of February as reflection season, so I like to use January and February for reflecting back on the previous year and cycle of seasons, letting any conclusions percolate for awhile before they become something to do differently in the seasons ahead.

I like to keep it simple when it comes to end of the year reflecting, so I ask myself what worked and what didn’t. As I started making this year’s list, there were so many things that overlapped from last year’s list. I actually think that is progress for me - I’m sticking to the things that worked instead of getting sucked into the latest craze or trend. My 2023 what worked for me list had a ton of duplicates from 2022: audiobooks (listened to even more than last year), evening stop time, water first thing, block scheduling, less plans/more loose family time, sourdough, yin yoga, and more. Read the rest here.

In the spirit of looking back, here is what worked for me in 2023 that wasn’t already on last year’s list, in no particular order:

Stronger By The Day. If you’ve seen me in person (or online) in 2023, you’ve probably heard me rave about this app/program. As a longtime lifter and a yoga and mobility teacher, I get snooty about workout programs. SBTD is the best I’ve found in terms of holistic strength, good programming, user interface, and cost. Grant got sick of hearing about me raving about it, so he tried it for himself and now has become even more annoying about it than I am. I haven’t been this sustainably strong in at least a decade, and I can see myself sticking with SBTD for the long-haul.

Consistency/small steps. My whole life, I have struggled with an all-or-nothing mentality about pretty much everything, but something finally clicked in 2023 where I was able to not just see or say that something is better than nothing, but let myself live it without later beating myself up about it. I’m sure this probably has something to do with the self-compassion practices I’ve been going deeper into the last few years more than anything. I’m not saying I’m completely cured, but I feel much freer.

Obviously applies to lots more than just working out.

Sardines + Food by the week. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve seen me evangelize about ‘dines. They’re a sustainable source of omega 3s, protein, and quick and easy. I notice on weeks that I get in at least three servings of sardines that I have more afternoon energy and focus and that I just generally feel better physically and mentally. In addition, my bloodwork from my physical was really good this year, which I contribute mostly to food and movement since I don’t take many supplements. 

But also, what I think helped this year was thinking about food across the whole week instead of the day. When my kids were little, the pediatrician told me not to stress about them getting a certain number of vegetables and nutrients in each day, but try to think about them getting a well-balanced number and variety of vegetables and nutrients over the course of the week. I’ve tried to disentangle myself from diet culture, and I do notice that I feel better and have more energy when I eat certain foods versus others¹. Thinking about trying to get in those food groups that I know make me feel better over the course of the week feels much more accessible and less pressured than thinking about nutrition needs each day.  

Sunset breath. I figured out how to set a timer on my phone/watch to go off every night two minutes before sunset wherever I am. Most nights when the alarm goes off, I sneak outside to take a peek at the sunset and take a few deep breaths. If I have more time, I’ll go for a dusk walk. If I’m in the middle of something, I’ll at least take a full mindful breath and go on with whatever it is that I was doing. It is a simple anchor for the end of my day, and I catch more sunsets - win, win.

Bike riding. Grant bought me a new bike for our anniversary (a big gift to be sure, but the guy bought two new mountain bikes in the past two years so I thought it was my turn). I loooove to ride bikes, but my old bike was 25+ years-old. My new bike is speedy and fun, and I love it. I feel like a kid every time I jump on it.

Longer walks most days. I had this goal/dream that I could walk the number of miles in the year last year (i.e. 2,023 miles). That would mean averaging 5.5 miles a day, but since we hike a lot on vacations, I figured I could do it. Turns out that Apple doesn’t track total mileage for the year, so who knows if I got there or not. But most days, Wendell and I go on about an hour walk. I know what a privilege this is, and I’m pretty confident I’m a much better person for getting outside and moving for at least an hour each day.

Just do the project at your house. This year, we did several house projects that we had been meaning to do for years. We finally have a laundry room after seven years of the washer and dryer basically being in our bathroom, and as part of that project, we redid our closet so that it is much more efficient and organized. We tore out our rotting deck and replaced it with a concrete patio. I know it’s a privilege to have the funds to do stuff like this, but I didn’t realize how much energy I spent being frustrated with the previous situation. For example, Grant and I had sanded and re-stained our deck in 2021². By last fall, it looked like shit again. I got a quote to tear it out and replace it with a patio, and we went for it because it was cheaper than I thought it would be. Now, even six months after having it done, every time I look out there, I am so grateful that I don’t have that job hanging over my head and that I never have to stain that particular deck again. My point is: if you have the funds to do something to make your life easier right now, especially if it’s to your home/place where you spend most of your time, it’s most likely worth it.

Deep listening at the gym. I decided at some point early in the year that I’d like to have more good stuff in my ears. There are so many great podcasts out there where we can listen to some of our greatest teachers for free each week. I made a rule to only listen to these kinds of podcasts or books at the gym instead of music or news, and I feel like I used my gym time really wisely - getting stronger physically but spiritually too. I also picked a few pods to listen to regardless of if I feel interested in the topic, which has led to some great listens that I probably would have missed otherwise (those pods are: On Being and For the Wild).

Prioritizing connection. Jasper starts high school in the fall, which has honestly created a little bit of urgency for Grant and me both. The thought of us only having four more years with him under our roof has been clarifying for us in terms of what our priorities are. We’ve talked about it a ton and will keep talking about it of course, but where we’ve landed is that what is most important for us to foster is our connection with each other and foster our own and the kids’ connections with our/themselves. Naming this as the priority has all sorts of spillover effects and has helped us (I think) make better decisions when it comes to parenting.

Adding in intensity. I love how we’re (finally) getting so much more science on women’s bodies specifically instead of just doling out advice that comes out of studies of 30 year-old white men and acting like it should apply to everyone. Some of the recent science, especially for older women, shows that we need more “polarization” in our training than men (for the reasons why, check out this post with tons of links to studies or this podcast conversation). By polarization, they mean to either do really easy stuff or really hard, but stay away from the moderately hard stuff for too long that seems to hurt gains and recovery. I went through a period when the kids were little of only doing HIIT (high intensity interval training), so this isn’t new to me, but the science helps me to see how to optimize using it so that I maximize the benefits while not burning out. So I’ve been adding in some short, really hard workouts (usually sprints, and I love the Gymboss app for these) because the science shows it’s important, especially for my heart³.

But it has me thinking about where I can add polarization in life more generally, which seems like a counterintuitive idea for these times. If I stay with the working out example, I’m doing this super hard, high intensity stuff three times a week for a total of maybe 30-35 minutes. It seems like, if I have a stressful, hard week at work or with someone close to me, I need to buffer that with much more ease, softness, and spaciousness. If I’m feeling pretty content and grounded, it might be a good time to tackle something hard, but try to keep it short and sweet. 

Living in tune with the seasons helps us naturally do this. In the winter, getting outside is often brutal, but I do it for a multitude of reasons. But then I can counter the harshness of winter with the softness of hours of laying by the fire with a book and copious naps. In the summer, when nature is full and abundant, I can lean into the ease of just enjoying it, and also know that the garden requires hard work during the heat of the summer.

If we can grow our muscle of being more comfortable with the extremes by finding ways to add intensity, will that help us to sit with polarizing ideas, feelings, and people? Have we collectively lost the ability to attend to certain kinds of intensity, and does this have something to do with how divided we’ve become? Does polarity, like novelty, help us to be more present and, in the process, find more joy along the way? Is the contrast of polarities good for us in ways we haven’t considered? 

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Now it’s your turn: what worked for you in 2023? Share with the rest of us, so we can learn from each other.

I have a maybe juicier list of things that didn’t work for me in 2023. Sometimes recognizing what isn’t working or what we don’t want is more clarifying than identifying what is going well. It’s annoying.

Cheers to reflecting and resting because that’s what winter is for,

Sara

1. We are all our own n(1) experiments, so we should figure this out for ourselves instead of outsourcing it so-called experts. I wrote about this here originally and then lots more.

2. Worst job ever. We joke we almost got divorced over it.

3. After writing these, I’m noticing how many have to do with physical health/movement. I had a private yoga client a few years that was in his eighties. He said that old age and immobility had sneaked up on him. “It felt like it happened overnight,” he said. Our bodies are amazingly resilient, so he was able to regain a lot of mobility and strength by working hard at it. But his words stuck with me and keep me motivated to prioritize movement and make it an important part of my day, not for any external reason but because I love the world and want to be out enjoying it for as long as possible.