Back at the beginning of May, overwhelmed with how behind I was with the garden and - honestly - with life in general, I was talking with my spiritual advisor, lamenting my long to do list and all of the things that weren’t getting done. She gave me an assignment: to go sit out by the garden, and as to do list items came up in my mind, to practice saying “fuck it.”
Weeds taking over the greens bed? Eff it. Planting the summer squash? Eff it. Pruning the tomatoes? Eff it.
I decided to fully lean into this practice. I had already planted the bed of tomatoes, peppers, beans, and cucumbers, but I decided not to plant anything else. I cover cropped some beds and others I just let go. Instead of regular weeding every few days, I went whole weeks without actually doing anything in the garden other than maybe picking some kale that came back from last year or spying on whichever perennials were in bloom in the pollinator patch.
These days, the tomatoes are going bonkers, as are the so-called weeds and lots of other stuff that just came up despite me not doing much of anything. The garden is messy and full of life - even moreso than usual this year. It’s interesting to see what comes up when I’m not managing it, and there is so much to learn about the soil and various microclimates even in such a small area by paying attention to what happens when I let it go a little wild.
I love our garden. It is my happy place. I’ve written before, nearly every summer, how being out in it is my therapy and sanity saver. All of that is still true - and I needed a season to just let it be. To let myself be too.
I don’t feel quite as abundant as the garden looks after what I’ve named “eff it season,” but, as nature teaches, I know that there is more going on underneath than what it appears on the surface. I trust that fallow seasons are necessary, good, and bring forth even more life in the seasons ahead.
Eff it season has taught me that my power and control matters less than I think it does, that life is persistent and abundant without any input from me. It is reminding me that, in so many cases, we’re already doing it, and that it is good and necessary to let some things go during certain seasons, even things that you love doing and are passionate about. It’s teaching me that there are seasons to give a damn and seasons to just let things be.
Rants and raves
👍 I bought some dried hibiscus flowers on my last Mountain Rose Herbs order on a whim. It makes the prettiest simple syrup for cocktails and mocktails, but I’ve been drinking my weight in iced hibiscus tea lately - just put some dried flowers in a jar, fill it up with water, set it in the sun for a few hours, and then strain and serve over ice. Repeat often.
👍 Grant wanted to watch Malice at the Palace, so I just jumped in not really remembering much about it, despite it involving my hometown team. Wowzers. It was like a whole microcosm of so many of the discussions we’re societally having right now about teaching history from various perspectives, about white privilege, about consequence, but it was so well done that you didn’t realize it was about all of those things until it was over. Highly recommend.
👎 Some of this coverage (including in our own town) about parents fighting mask mandates. I won’t link to any of them because I don’t want to give them anymore oxygen, but I really feel like we might be living in the twilight zone.
Stuff worth sharing
As usual, Pantsuit Politics helped me process the news this week. Their main segment on Afghanistan posed some really great questions and insights that have me thinking about the complexity of foreign policy and the importance of defining our mission from the beginning. It also gave me permission to just be sad about the state of things.
This is the best non-sciency thing I’ve read on vaccines. My favorite line was “the mRNA vaccine is not an invasion, it’s an education,” but all of the tree visuals is what will stick with me.
These times we’re living through are so heavy. It’s natural to want to look away and it’s a privilege to do so (and I would also argue here that we didn’t evolve to be able to handle the amount of information and news bombarding us each day, but that is an entire book). I liked the questions Nadia poses here as a way of wading through all of this overwhelm and heartbreak.
“In fact, if you’re feeling settled, you’re probably in need of a good gut and fact check. The world is burning. Countries are crumbling. People are dying of a pandemic that we sort of pretended was over.” Courtney’s newsletter is always so great, but I really felt like she was in my brain with this one.
Seasonal pic of the week
A few days’ of the garden’s abundance - it doesn’t seem to know that it is “eff it season!”
Cheers to saying “eff it” to something that is weighing you down in the week ahead!
Sara
P.S. If you don’t like the adult language, might I gently suggest you find some space to use some of your own? It’s good for you, especially during this anger season so many of us find ourselves in.
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