sara by the season
sara by the season
this time around
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-9:29

this time around

tuning inward

This is the newsletter version of Sara by the Season, where I explore what is piquing my curiosity as I try to lean into nature’s wisdom and rhythms. You can listen to me read you the newsletter by hitting play above - or you can click the little link above and to the right to play in your favorite podcast player.

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Bright sunshine on the snow is always bringing me joy.

I - admittedly - have been putting my head in the sand for the last six-ish weeks: staying mostly off social media, only reading the bare minimum of news headlines, sleeping more and getting sucked into a fantasy romance series1 instead. I told myself that I had until February 1st to reflect on the last Trump presidency and figure out a plan for the next one because, as mentioned previously, this time, I don’t have the capacity for what I did last time around, and I’m not convinced all of my outward energy made much difference anyway.

One thing I’ve been playing with is no social media unless I’m on my computer. It’s a lot less addicting to scroll on a computer. But despite my minimal scrolling, I keep seeing similar messaging - that we can’t get outraged and distracted by everything, that we need to be solicitous with what we take in, that the fight is a long haul, that we need to care for ourselves, that we need to get active in our communities, organizing as locally as possible.

Now, I actually agree with all of that. But last time around, the messaging (that I was taking in any way) was largely that, those of us in privileged positions should be aware of what is going on, that ignoring the news was a privilege not afforded to many impacted by the decisions the administration was making. We privileged folks should be addressing the injustices as they (relentlessly) surfaced. So I’m confused because, while I have still seen some of that messaging, it seems to be far less prevalent this time around. What has changed other than we’re back here again despite all of our resistance?2

I have had several conversations with friends lately in which I’ve vented that I just don’t have much capacity for resistance this time around. I’m preemptively worn out, and I feel guilty about that because I’m a straight white woman who won’t be as affected by the next Trump presidency as so many of my friends, neighbors, and beloved places will be3.

As I’ve tried to reflect on what I do and don’t want, I have also found myself a little irritated with the minimal social media messaging that I have been consuming. I realized the following:

Local involvement can be very demanding and depleting too. I did get more involved locally - largely leading the three-year fight against the developer desecrating the land all around us. Not only did we lose the fight, but the destruction is far worse than what we expected and were told it would be. Additionally, the staff, city counselors, and planning committee members now ignore my emails because they recognize my last name. Another local group fighting a development reached out to me for advice, and I told them I would help but indirectly because having my name associated with their cause would prejudice their fight. I fought with my righteous anger, and in hindsight, it would have been better for our particular place if I had tried to make nice with the developer and get as many concessions for ourselves as possible instead of trying to get as many different people and concerns together to fight the development altogether4.

Most of the ways I resisted didn’t “work.” Most of my extended family voted for Trump -- three times. Over the last ten years, I have shared compelling articles with them, I have tried (and sometimes failed) to calmly share facts in the midst of arguments, I have leaned on connecting with them over shared values and faith when politics comes up. I have attempted to change their minds in all of the ways the experts tell you to - with empathy, connection, compassion, and relinquishing judgment. You know how many of them changed their minds? To my knowledge: zero, zilch, nada.

I called my congresspeople every week of the first Trump term. They still largely voted in line with their MAGA leader.

Social media is adding less and less value to my life. A few months ago, Chris La Tray wrote about why he deleted his Instagram account:

“It’s that I saw just how useless keyboard warrioring is, and how performative it is, and how prone I can be to participating in it. It was a mirror held up to my own actions and I don’t want to fuel that. I don’t want the online world to jade me against what my real world life is, where I actively go out and engage with people, for better or worse. I don’t want social media to rob me of my enthusiasm for that. It’s hard enough as it is! Maybe large accounts reach people beyond the choir, and beyond trolls, but I doubt it. Social media just isn’t built for that kind of thing, it’s built to sell product – either product to buy or the products we make of ourselves for our followers to consume – and I don’t want to be one. ” [emphasis mine]

Part of the other thing I’ve grown to hate about social media is how the same it ends up being…I feel like I follow a fairly diverse group of people, but all of the messaging turns out to be about the same. There is some kind of current of uniformity that social media seems to produce. Admittedly, perhaps this is my own fault for the types of people and accounts I follow, or it is an undercurrent of our collective consciousness seeping out. But here is what I keep coming back to about the next four years: I am sick of being dragged around by what others think is the right way, and I’m more than ready to go my own way. Like Chris, I don’t want to be performatively useless with my attention, time, and energy - and I’m really tired of allowing myself to be a product of these problematic platforms - even just by logging into them!

I’m not getting any younger. I wrote a few years ago about the Covid winter, which seems like a marginally appropriate analogy for these days, except that now we don’t have a compassionate leader coming to take the reigns. Back in January 2021, I wrote, “We can’t make the world better for anyone let alone ourselves if we’re exhausted or running close to burnout. But also, we can take care of ourselves because we are worthy of being cared for. Period.” I keep thinking about that these days.

I am not going to allow myself to be yanked around by Trump and his billionaire minions this time around. I am in the last season of having my children under my roof. I will be nearly 50 years old (God willing) when Trump leaves office. I don’t want to spend the bulk of my 40s wasting my attention and energy on Donald Freaking Trump. Is that a privilege afforded to me because I’m a middle class white lady? OF COURSE. But I only have this one wild, precious life. I want to spend it snuggling with my children whenever they’re willing, or joining Grant for a date by the fire on a random Tuesday night. I want to spend my energy planning and planting an epic garden, baking sourdough for friends, hosting dinner parties, learning and writing about what I’ve learned, watching the seasons change on my daily walk, reading great books - and just fun ones too. I want space for beauty. When I find ways to serve, I want to do it joyfully instead of guiltily, and, honestly, quietly instead of loudly.

I want to stop listening to what others think we should be doing and listen to what my body, mind, and heart are yearning for instead. And here is what I’m yearning for: space, rest, beauty, pleasure, connection, and joy.

Rebecca Solnit in Hope in the Dark: The Untold History of People Power, writes, “Joy doesn't betray but sustains activism. And when you face a politics that aspires to make you fearful, alienated and isolated, joy is a fine act of insurrection.” adrienne maree brown [sic] says something similar in her must-read Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good, in which she argues that our pleasures and longings help us access the energy required for resisting systemic forces of injustice.

In my experience, this work of joy requires presence, attention, specificity, and room to germinate. What brings me joy might not bring you joy - and that’s good! But it also means that we have to pay attention to ourselves instead of relying on others to find what fills us up - because, yes, you can’t pour from an empty cup, but moreso, because having a full cup feels good. Full stop.

Listening and learning what we yearn for and what brings us joy has to be part of - if not the primary - work we are here to do.

Last time around, I felt like I had to do all of these external things to prove my goodness, use my privilege for the benefit of others, and properly resist the ugliness that Trump exposed in us. This time around, I’m less naive and narcissistic to think that I have that kind of power and influence anyway. Rather than picking one extreme or the other - either sticking my head completely in the sand and worrying about only what happens within the walls of my home OR expending my energy anywhere and everywhere that demands it as each new outrage pops up, perhaps I could be softer with myself and with those around me. What I need - regardless of who is in power - is less of a strict plan of action and more of a practice of listening and tuning into myself to discern what each day is inviting me into.

What do you think?

Scattering Seeds

I usually have stuff that I want to share that doesn’t fit in the main post + I’m always finding stuff that supports the thesis of the book I’m writing on the benefits of leaning into nature’s rhythms and wisdom, so I thought I could start sharing those links and things here with all of you in hopes of some of the seeds I share germinating into something beautiful at your place.

Gandolph. I also came across this quote from Tolkein’s Return of the King on social media (see - it’s not all bad!) that seemed particularly salient for these times:

It is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till. What weather they shall have is not ours to rule.

How to survive when an end-times cult takes over your country. I’ve been reading D.L. for years now - their first book, Assimilate or Go Home, was a comfort to me when I was in a season of dismantling a lot of garbage from white evangelicalism and the faith of my childhood. I have loved watching Mayfield’s evolution from afar these last many years, and they’re speaking from intimate experience about how to handle these times we find ourselves in.

But I have to admit that I found the most relief in this bit in their section about what to do now:

If you are a parent, the most important work you can do right now is to raise kids who get to be themselves in the safety of your own home. Who learn how to feel their feelings and process their emotions and connect to their true selves. This is one of the best ways to resist fascism.

Because I am a parent with kids still living with me, this was a good reminder about the necessary, good work required right now. But even if you aren’t a parent or your kids are grown, we all have little humans in our lives that we can help raise and who we can encourage to be themselves.

Seasonal reminders. First off, it’s dormant season - get your rest on! And second, Imbolc, one of my favorite holidays, is around the corner. This is the perfect year to start celebrating it if you don’t already.

Here’s to leaning into joy whereever we can find it,

Sara

1

I read all three over the last week. The world building left a little to be desired, but obviously I still liked it. Does it still count as numbing and distraction if you know exactly what you’re doing as you’re doing it?!

2

This seems like appropriate reading as we reflect how better to resist.

3

I also firmly believe that we are all - the human and more-than-human world are intricately interconnected, so even though on paper I might not be as impacted as others, we are all dependent on the health and well-being of one another.

4

Rationally, this is true, but on a spirit-level, I feel much better having led the fight against the entire development and not just selfishly looking out for ourselves.

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