This is the newsletter version of Sara by the Season, where I explore a little bit of everything that’s on my mind as I try to lean into nature’s wisdom and rhythms. You can listen to me read you the newsletter by hitting play above - or you can click the little link above and to the right to play in your favorite podcast player. If you know someone who would like this sort of thing, I’d be so grateful if you would share it!
The developer that I wrote about here came back with a very slightly modified proposal that he presented to the city Planning Commission last night. It’s no accident that he waited until late February in Indiana in the middle of a holiday week, I’m sure. We neighbors were much better prepared this time: we split up our complaints ahead of time, we strategized about which issues should be brought up in which order, we had an attorney. The Planning Commission members barely listened to our issues, cut us off repeatedly but didn’t enforce any time limit on the developer, glossed over our questions, and voted 6-0 to move forward with the development as is, which will be a disaster for our surrounding ecosystem and watershed, to say nothing of the infrastructure impacts on roads and schools. It was honestly one of the grossest things I’ve witnessed in real life.
Also yesterday, the Indiana Senate Education Committee passed this awful anti-CRT-type bill similar to what you’ve been hearing about all over the country. In Texas, Governor Abbott signed a letter (conveniently side-stepping the legislature, which seems…illegal) that calls on citizens to report parents of trans kids. Later today, I have to go to my local library to support the librarians because anonymous people are demanding that they ban books.
Then I woke up this morning to the news that Putin was bombing Kyiv and invading all of Ukraine, threatening nuclear war to any who stand in his way.
Obviously, my frustrations pale in comparison to the world seemingly on the brink of World War III. But, as I often say: two (or seven) can be true at same time. It seems like everyone around me is facing similar heaviness and exhaustion, especially as we approach the two year anniversary of the pandemic.
I don’t know what to tell myself, let alone anyone else. But I do know that it’s important to feel our feelings and name what is. I’ve also been learning that there are some things that work for me better than others, and that I have to figure out what works best for me - not anyone else.
I woke up today at 3am writing angry emails in my head and couldn’t go back to sleep. When I get angry, I feel like I’m almost filled up to the brim with energy. I can’t sit still. I have trouble concentrating. After Grant and the kids left for school, what I really wanted to do was take Wendell for a long walk or maybe go back to bed. But instead, I got out the kettle bells, put on some very loud music, and lifted heavy things for awhile.
I’ve been learning (and relearning - it takes me awhile) that I don’t always act in my own best interest. So even though a walk or a nap sounded good to me, what was best for me today was to lift something heavy for awhile and yell along to some ragey music because I needed to get in my body, feel the anger, and then let it move at least a bit. The nap or a walk wouldn’t have been bad choices; they just wouldn’t have been as good of choices. It’s taken me 40+ years to figure out that the best thing for me when I’m pissed is to lift heavy weights and have a good sweat. When I’m sad, journaling, cooking, and snuggling are my go-tos. When I’m stressed, I always feel better after a nap or yoga nidra. When I’m overwhelmed, I like to get lost in a book or a good show. When I’m confused, a walk outside preferably with Grant or a friend to verbally process. When I’m anxious, some breathwork, comfort food, or just getting outside helps.
But I don’t want you to read any of those things as prescriptive because they are a list of what works for me in this season. I’m not saying that any of it should work for you. I’m trying to say that you do need to figure out what works best for you in various situations. It will take experimentation, and it requires that you build some trust in yourself to tune into what works best for you instead of what works best for anyone else. It will change depending on what season of life you’re in.
Social media, especially, is full of morning routines that no human could consistently accomplish, glamorous-looking workout routines shared by people who get paid to workout, perfectly plated meals by people who get paid to develop recipes, and a long list of other shoulds flawlessly curated, usually in hopes of you buying something. I’m not saying that you should get off social media (you do you!) or even that the people selectively curating their lives should stop what they’re doing (I do it), but we should definitely be honest with ourselves every time we get on these platforms about what is actually going on.
Living seasonally has taught me that I’m not always the best judge of what is good for me - at least in the near term. I don’t like other people telling me what to do. I love life and food and celebrating. Generally, sobriety (in the original sense of the word) is not my strong suit. I’m an Enneagram 7, after all. But I have lived long enough to know that I also can’t just go around pursuing pleasure all the time. Living in tune with the seasons isn’t always terribly convenient and I don’t always want to do it, but the benefits so far outweigh the costs that I’ve seen, after 15+ years of trying to live this way, that it is so much better for me - physically, spiritually, emotionally. The benefits of living seasonally continually remind me to look for what’s good for future Sara and to trust my deepest knowing (I am nature, after all).
We all have different and particular strengths and struggles, and so - of course! - we all require different solutions. It is probably helpful to read and hear about someone else’s solutions, but we need to do a better job of tuning into our own needs instead of assuming that there is a one-size-fits-all solution for pretty much anything. And we also need to stop listening to teachers of any stripe who tell us that there are one-sized-fits-all solutions and that they have them.
Instead listen to teachers who are constantly reminding you to tune inward, to see what aligns with your values, to trust yourself. More than ever, we need to care for ourselves in the ways that work best for us. When we trust and care for ourselves, we have a better foundation to do the work we’re here to do, which for me, right now, in this season, looks like calling state legislators, writing letters to the editors, and showing up to boring ass meetings.
Stuff worth sharing this week
I’m following Christopher Miller, Christo Grozev, and Julia Ioffe on Twitter for Ukraine news in case you want to follow good reporting.
I loved this interview (and such good questions!) with Heather Havrilesky. So many great one-liners, like this one:
Nothing feels more disgusting than self-loathing, and nothing makes you hotter than self-acceptance—if only inside your own mind. But what other place matters more?
Grant’s text message to me this morning seemed worth sharing based on the texts and DMs I’ve been receiving this week:
Cheers to tuning into what works for you in the week ahead!
Sara
Skipping rants and raves this week because I really am just a giant rant at the moment, and no body wants to read that!
you do you